Emotions

Emotions—positive or negative—are powerful; learning to regulate emotions builds mentally stronger athletes and humans. You may notice gender differences in your athletes’ emotional expression; however, girls are not more emotional than boys; they are simply more willing to be emotionally vulnerable with people who support them. If you haven’t already, let go of any outdated cultural beliefs that emotions are a weakness. Multiple studies show that emotional intelligence supports motivation and consistency in athletic performance.

“Coaching girls wrestling has made me better at helping our boys to process their emotions, who tend to not share as freely and openly as our girls.” -Coach Eric Everard.

Here are tips and lessons learned around emotions from seasoned coaches of female wrestlers.

Acknowledging and Processing Emotions

Help your athletes positively manage their difficult emotions. Managing big emotions in the wrestling room might look like stepping out of the gym for a moment, talking to a coach or teammate, practicing a growth mindset, utilizing breathing techniques, or finding a good place to yell or cry after a tough loss.

Talk with your athletes about appropriate times and places to work through emotions. Where is the safe space to release them?

Example: 5x World Champion and Olympian, Adeline Gray, says that she cries in the warm-up area in a corner. Learn more about Adeline’s thoughts on crying in her article published in Forbes Magazine.
- Adeline Gray on Crying, Forbes Magazine

Crying

Crying is often a release of frustration. For some wrestlers, this release of frustration might look like anger (yelling or punching the ground). Your wrestlers will likely learn how to manage their frustrations on their own. If not, set fair behavioral expectations and support with resources and skill-building.
Adopt the attitude of “Feel your feelings, then let’s get to work.”
- Example from Coach Katie (Downing) Kriebel.

I am a former women's world medalist, and I'm currently a high school and club coach. As a woman, I need to work through problems by talking them out, and crying is a normal response to stress and emotions. I also grew up learning that there is no crying in sports and that I had to act 'tough' if I wanted to be respected, so as a coach, I found myself frustrated with my female athletes when they talked too much or cried during training. I quickly discovered how effective it is to normalize crying rather than ignore it or criticize it.
One day at a coed club practice, one of my female wrestlers started crying. Internally, I rolled my eyes and scoffed with exasperation, and lamented that I didn't have time to deal with a crying talk session during warmups. Instead, I chose not to act on my knee-jerk reaction but went over and asked the girl, "what's up?" She said that the song playing on the radio was her grandma's favorite song and that her grandma had recently passed away. I said something to the effect that I was sorry for her loss and that I'm glad she remembers her grandma with happy memories and songs. She sniffled and took a deep breath, and got back to work. The whole thing took about 3 minutes, and then she went on to have a really focused and high energy practice. If I had reacted to her tears with frustration, I would have missed out on her response to being allowed to express her emotions. I only had to invest 3 minutes in dealing with her tears and got 2 hours of focused and intense work in return.

Ask “How do you feel,” and listen

Big feelings can be de-escalated through sharing and validation. Coaches don’t have to fix the problem; they simply need to listen and validate the athlete’s emotions.
Make it clear that when you ask how someone feels, you don’t mean just about wrestling. The female brain is wired to take a holistic approach to activities such as sports; recognizing the whole person will benefit your female athlete on and off the mat.
Your female wrestler’s day and week carry over to practice; checking in can help them transition and focus during practice.

Girls talk. A lot.

It’s how they work through and solve problems.

Different body; different brain: The language center of the brain is larger in females, and emotion is processed using both sides of the brain. (The male brain processes emotion on the right hemisphere, and the brain’s language center is on the left side.)
Plan on talking through wrestling techniques and answering the “WHY.” Giving your female athletes a defined direction and purpose for the technique you show will yield impressive results.
Managing team dynamics often means talking it out. Directly addressing issues results in a faster resolution. Unresolved issues tend to fester and may affect performance on the mat. First, allow feelings to be heard, then help your team refocus on its purpose.

GOLDEN COACHING TIP: Giving girls time to talk and socialize at the beginning of practice is a good way to help female athletes focus during practice.

Motivation and Confidence

Girls tend to internalize criticism more than male athletes and can be harder on themselves. This internal critic can help them rapidly improve if they view mistakes as learning experiences. However. it can deplete their confidence if they feel they are continually falling short of their goals.
Help athletes focus on mastery over competition: Focus on the process; frame competition as part of the process of your athlete’s personal and athletic development.
Learn about Impostor’s Syndrome and Perfectionism as they pertain to female wrestlers and coaches.
- Check out this article from Lucha Fit: https://www.luchafit.com/blog/defeating-impostor-syndrome-in-female-coaches

Stress and Anxiety

Wrestling allows your athletes to develop emotional intelligence and practice emotional regulation. Support them by introducing and teaching them stress management and resiliency skills.
Stress does not have to be negative or something to fight. Some athletes use their nerves to prepare for optimal performance.
- This article explains more: Let your Butterflies Fly in Formation.
Practice Presence: Many emotions that challenge your athlete stem from fear or frustration. Fear lives in the past and the future. Your athlete may fear that what happened last time might happen again and wonder what might happen next. You can help your female (and male) over-thinkers by helping them focus on the present moment.

5 ways to Support Resilience

You can build more successful athletes and human beings by modeling and incorporating resilience skill training into your program.

Self Awareness: Help your athletes develop self-awareness by recognizing emotions as they arise; teach them to recognize how emotions impact their focus, attitude, and performance.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness has two parts, awareness and acceptance. Learn about breathing techniques, visualization, and meditation to help your athletes manage emotions.
http://sportsandthemind.com/category/mindfulness-exercises/
https://www.mindful.org/what-is-mindfulness/
Self-care: In sport, self-care includes good nutrition and sleep. It also means identifying and doing activities that support our mental and emotional health. Self-care might mean spending time with loved ones, alone time, or getting out in nature.
Positive Relationships: Humans are social by nature, and healthy relationships support resiliency. A team environment allows for athletes to build positive relationships with peers and coaches.
Purpose: Having a purpose means we belong to and are part of something greater than ourselves. Purpose supports resiliency. Being a part of a wrestling team can be that sense of purpose. It is crucial for a coach to recognize everyone’s value on the team, whether they are in the varsity lineup or have never won a match.

Learn more about resilience here: https://www.bouncebackproject.org/resilience/