A Light After Loss: How Wrestling Helped One Family Through the Grieving Process, and How They’re Giving Back
By Jaimie Dubuque
“Get Dressed… You’re coming to practice with me.”
That was the last moment in Sarah Callender’s life before she became a wrestler. Her sister, Emily, had already started wrestling and was in the process of preparing for the state tournament. But it wasn’t until that night, when Sarah was hanging around the house while her sister was getting ready for practice, that Sarah had considered trying the sport for herself. Emily and Sarah’s relationship was already strong, but wrestling forged an even tighter bond between them.
What Sarah couldn’t have anticipated was that wrestling was going to be the way she stayed connected with Emily, even after Emily was gone.
The Callender family lost thirteen-year-old Emily to suicide in April of 2018. After her death, Sarah wasn’t sure what her relationship with wrestling would be. After all, “It was Emily’s sport,” Sarah explains as she reflected on her thinking at the time. Eventually, Sarah decided to keep wrestling, and now she realizes, “It brought me a lot closer to her...If I hadn’t done it, she wouldn’t have been with me as much as she is now.”
Just as Emily led and inspired her, Sarah, an eighth grader, now carries that leadership role on the mat. “I’ve always been told that I’m a natural born leader. I do the best I can every time I do something, because you never know who is watching and who is looking up to you.” Everything Sarah does to motivate and inspire her teammates still feels guided by Emily. “She’s still my shining light. She still pushes me. Whenever we’re at practice, I always bring a good attitude...If I see one of the little wrestlers struggling, I push them. I’ll cheer them up. I want to make sure they’re having a good time and they’ll fall in love with the sport when they’re older because they’re having fun and having a good time with it.”
Like Emily did for Sarah, and Sarah does for others, so, too, do the Callender parents for other families. It would be understandable--expected, even--for Rosa and Dale Callender to lock that part of their lives away, to keep Emily’s story private. But, “[we] don’t ever hesitate to talk to anybody about her and what we experienced,” Rosa explains. “We’ve become kind of the family that others go to when they have a family member or a child that is struggling... We have this tragic experience...But, if [talking about it] can help one person open up and say, ‘I’m struggling and I need some help,’ then we’ve done some good.”
It’s clear the Callender family loves the wrestling community and wants to do its part to create a safe, supportive environment for young wrestlers. After all, they’ve felt the power of being part of the wrestling family, firsthand. “Everybody comes together...the girls rally around each other and cheer for each other. They become sisters in the sport,” Dale explains. “Our wrestling experience was zero up until Emily; neither of us had any wrestling background...The wrestling family is so open, and so honest, and so caring immediately.” That support carried the Callenders through the grieving process and gave Sarah a safe place to process her emotions following the loss of Emily.
Even after Emily passed, her legacy has carried on. It shows in the Buddy Benches that were established in her name. It was in the air when her wrestling shoes were retired in a ceremony right before the Texas State Championship, when resources and information were provided to attendees about suicide prevention. “We were able to leverage the local mental health community there in El Paso,” Rosa reflects on the event. “People were visiting the table, getting information, and seeking help.” Her legacy lives on every time Sarah laces up, pulling hesitant new wrestlers into the fold, doing what it takes to get them to crack a smile.
The reach of wrestling goes far beyond the mat, and lasts long after the final whistle blows and a victor’s hand is raised. The Callender family is a testament to that. The wrestling community and the sisterhood that exists within it was there for Sarah when she needed it most; now, she’s determined to keep Emily’s light shining for any girl who steps on the mat.